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A Refreshing Pool of Neo Nostalgia
April 7, 2011


we were at my house on 22 parker rd, but now it wasnt my house anymore, it was the Kulps' house. my parents uhst have traded it to them. big poster sized pictures of will and me as children were still hanging on tsoe of the walls, and it ocurred to me that if hte kulps were going to live there now, they ought to take those down and put up their own pictures. i hoped my parents werent somehow bullying them into keeping those pictures up anyway, a little embarassing th, the glorification, and yet it made me feel good at the same tie. a relic of the past... this house will always be mine.

the house was looking shiny and well enameled. dan kup and the rest fo the his family was there. dan's face was abstract since i havent seen him in forever. ut something was very familiar about him, and while I felt a little unease at first, eased into conversation with him soon. He laughed when we were in the basement, walking up the stairs, and i said this place was a fucking mess. I wondered why he laughed, thinking maybe it was because his dad would clean up the basement to make it livaeable, and maybe he too thought the place was a fucking mess. for that matter, perhaps i was able to think and say that because i was putting myself in his shoes. Will asked me where my ___ (stereo? camera?) was, and i said it was under the stairs. it had fallen though because the stairs werent really done yet. my dad was down there messing with something, and i started to say to him "can you move this thing in the middle of the stairs? I wouldn't leave it like this for you--" but i stopped myself short of that second sentence. he continued doing whatever he was doing, and since we had only dipped down into the basement for a moment , we passed quickly back upstairs.

outside was a beautiful large pool. it had the kind of rounded concrete lip that i love. the air was probably 67-70, and the water felt a little cooler, refreshing. I had my choice of two bathing suits, red or black. i chose red, and when i wore it i felt more stylish, more slender, more capable, like a lifeguard. the pool was so big i did not even do laps, i just did little zig zags from one side to the other. some people were in the deepend, i think, so i stayed toward the shallow end, which was closest to the house. the water felt so good and i was very happy to be in the pool. I dont particularly remember wanting to go to the deepend, or even distinguishing too much between a shallow and a deep end, although now that i remember it, it probably had deeper water at the other end. at that point though it was all deep enough to submerge me from head to toe and i liked that. [i have woken up early and felt dehydration, which is probably why that water was so refreshing]

in my dream I had an aunt who was lesbian, and she had short hair and glasses, taller. dangly earrings. in my dream when i was clothed i was also wearing my whole foods hat. i remember pointing it out to daniel during a conversation. i think my aunt butted in and when she learned that i liked working at whole foods, she pulled me aside and put an apron on me. it was purple. my brother was coming to my defense and trying to get me out of it. I reassured him that I was into the idea of doing work at her local place in wakefield, which was called ____ __ ____.
I started to regret it later, but at first I was ready to give it a try. it would be a different kind of food service experience, and something i mgiht be able to wing. also, if it meant ultimately that i could have a second job, that would be good. so i kept these things in mind as we headed over to the restaurant. inside the halls were narrow, and it began to look a lot more like a house than a restaurant. the backrooms were bedrooms. there were 2 or 3 bathrooms off from every bedroom. some of the bedrooms were occupied by their tenants. they were putting on their clothes and such. some girls were singing. i think most of the people there were girls. I went to the bathroom and locked the door, because i just wanted to check and make sure i didnt have to go... but then, somehow I got shit smeared on my sleeve and on my arm. i started to wash it off frantically with my hands, wiping it off and rinsing, since i could not immediately find toilet paper or paper towels, and with this quantity it didnt matter... i needed to be fully hosed down. I manged to get most of it off, but i think i still had some shit on my ass i needed to wipe off. the girls came and started to get suspicious of what i was doing in the bathroom. they began to suspect that i didnt like them, or that i didnt like lesbians, that i was sexist, or something. I finally had to say, no no no, it's not that. listen, i have poo on my arm. i dont know how that got there, and i'm trying wipe it off. i only saw one girl actually get it and sort of acknowledge while repeating it to her friends, ending with "nothing like that" in reference to her friends' allegations. I was relieved that she understood and that it was cleared up, and that most of the shit was off my sleeve, but i still felt that i should check my ass. I went back into the bathroom, which now had multiple doors from either side. one of the doors actually came down like a bar flap. i was boxed in somewhat, which was all i felt i needed in order to wipe my ass not directly in someone's face. meanwhile i saw one of the girls standing on a bed naked. the entire situation was non sexual, so i didnt feel anything sexual at seeing this.

after all this, I just wanted to be back home. too much time had elapsed, more than I wanted it to, because i wanted to be with Daniel again - it had been so long since i'd seen him - and i missed my house too. I wanted to see Will again. dinner parties with the Kulps were fun, and i was missing out by being here. i shouldn't have agreed to come on my day off from work. I wanted to be back in that pool again, swimming.


towards waking up, just bits and pieces without narrative context... a house in SF beginning to burn... climbing guanajuato or granada or a mix, to a point where it's just rock and beautiful view; defending the directionality and incidence of the walk when discussing it with Nikki, who thought it was in another direction.