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Lamb-dog and Helen
121215

 

dreams 121215

first there was dunkel, who i began by calling the dog- my friend, maybe stacy? pointed out that i twss a donkey. so i called it doggie donkey. finally, i called iit dunkel, and maybe lady dunkel. but dogie donkey… it looked like a lamb, really. like Bucky with its short white curls. we were on csome kind of caravan, some kind of ountain hikde, and we went up to a ridge, that then disappeared into a limb. the lamb went a head, maybe from my excess ecouragement, and fell off the ridge-limb. i was shocked and scared for the lamb as it fell. it fell into a patch of something that was also white and looked a lot like its own texture, but it did fall far, so there was a good chance it was dead, and i was very sad and feeling guitly. we made it back down the ridge by basically inching our way down, as if climing down from a branch. branch. when we got to the bottom, the doggie lamb donkey, precious thing, had survived, and we monitored it to see if it had any broeken bones. I was pretty sure it would, and sure enough, as it continued walking, its back legs started to drag and become raw, like dead chicken legs. the right leg in particular. I thought we we ould have to carry the animal, but that the animal might like that. but maybe the animal would not understand it, and want to continue walking, or have a hard time staying still, or vfeel unnatural being carried. hopefully it would understand. hopefully it would not try to walk on its feet. do animals know to lay off something? a limb until it gets better? maye better than we do, but… all in all i felt guildy for maybe hecouraging the labm to go farther onto a ridge that i had not realized was a deadend.

we were a caravan, but i dont remember anyone else. the one companion to whom i talked may have been stacy.

more recently, i was at a party that was being had by my parents after a long day of work, which involved tearing up some earth on our eestate… i cant say backyard because it was a lot of land. … the way will described it to the parents wa… or to someone… was a long stretch of bmud going as far… going until the indescernible fog. he was being snarky that it was basically not worth it. I would describe the project as torn up eararth, the color of light mud, chunky and rocky, with veghicles parked in it, on top of each other, and the thing was as wide as a street in Madrid. whichs to say normal, about thirty feet. I had gum and i had to put it somewher e while wsomeine was talking to me. I threw it into the mud strip that we were hiking on, but afraid that someone might notice it later and understand that it was fresh and that i had been there. . I guess i was suoppont to be there.

the most emotional part is that Helen was there at the party. There were other women and men and couples there. I think Helen caame with her aunt or something. She was sad and quiet. or just a little sad and a little quiet. my friends, who struck me as high school homies like craig henshaw and jeff baxter and steve parsons, graziano, etc… they were there, and some of them were obviously interested in helen. i watched as she hugged people either for the first time or in reunion. I waited my turn, but then began to worry that maybe she was avoiding me and didnt want a hug or even to say hello. i was desiring her. i thought we would still have a sgrong bond. Ann awkward social situation happens in which she finally sat down next to me on a ledge but facing me, wherease everyone else had the…. was facing outward. there was also a gate , a low gate between us, so i wasnt sure if she was tryihng to sit next to me or choosing a space with enough distance… a girl who obiouvly was interested in helen tried to sit down, but helen scooted scloser to me, to indicate that she was intending to talk to me, be with me. that made me feel good. but i never got to hug her or touch her. the girl sad something, asking helen’s intentions, and i dont remember what was said, but Helen was smiling politely but trying to indicate that she was with me. at one point i told someone that she was my ex. i’m not sure if i told a man or a woman, or why.

at another point i had to go to the bathroom, and the bathroom was full of stalls in every corner,- i actually recently saW A bathroom like that in madrid. in the apolo theatre. in this dream i could only pee upwards, so it was a little embarassing. thankfully i finally found a time when either no one was in teh bathroom or very few people, and no one in my corner. i also farted through my penis when i was done peeing, which was strange. it was spouty like a whale spout. like when you squeeze the end of a tube of ____ijuice or something, and there is air mixed with the last droplets of a substance.