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Diving Board Hangup
05.04.12

 

the movie, or story, was that some girl was having psychological trouble when diving off the diving board. she had injured herself somehow and could no longer do a proper dive. i saw the site: it had 3 or 4 diving boards above each other. even the lowest one was way high. i tried diving too, but was not having an easy time of it. also, i didnt know how to do flips and twists, so i was sure that my dive would be considered throw-away. i was a little self conscious about that, but i still wanted to do a dive for myself. i was drawn to it.

I met the girl who was having problems and in her place i decided to try and sort of avenge her, but since i couldn't do what she could normally do, my venture turned into more of an individual goal.

I did the second to lowest board, the one the girl was meant to take... it was so high. i was scared. i think i just fell off it. I actually dont remember hitting the water at all. Maybe i stepped down before diving and decided to try the smaller one.

there were other divers who were coming to practice. i knew they were all probably more pro than me; but i also realized that they could be thinking the same about me. it didnt matter. i just wanted to dive. I knew there would be a judge or director watching me when i did the dive, and i knew my dive, whether it were one flip, or just a pike, or maybe just a swan or some inbetween, would not satisfy the director. that didnt deter me from trying.

I'm not sure if i ever got around to doing a dive. i was near the place, in a hotel room, and my parents appeared. apparently they were staying in the same hotel. they hadnt seen me, so i said "hey" when i saw them about to leave.

they were in the area visiting... my mom wanted to check something out in the Mission, my dad wanted to do something else. they came to that passive aggressive head they do sometimes, the rolling of eyes, the stuttering of speech, then "ok, fine". Whatever their problem, it was subtle but apparent, and I didnt want to be part of it. They had asked me if i wanted to go with them, and i did, but when i saw this stuff, i was turned off and said no thanks.